@velvettusk: "Eat your dinner so that lamb didn't die for nothing" - will ensure you get your daughter's helping, too.
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@Xalqee: "If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave" - Me getting pulled over
@shutupmikeginn: Sea turtles happened when god got stoned one night and wondered what would happen if a frisbee was a lizard.
@Bobinhiding: Sext I just received from my wife- "Wake up! You're snoring so loud on the couch, you may as well come to bed."