@velvettusk: "Eat your dinner so that lamb didn't die for nothing" - will ensure you get your daughter's helping, too.
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@TheRolo: I almost got ran over by joggers. I saved myself by pretending to be a stop light. I got away while they jogged in place.
@EmaSlema: I just saw a guy put a hamburger between 2 pancakes so I proposed on the spot and he just said "no" so he's obviously the smartest man alive
@Gooooats: Me: I heard you like men with a huge collection of words that they know and can say. Her: A vocabulary? Me: A what?
@jimmy_boston: Wife: Did you get eggs? Me: pew pew Wife: Great lasers, so did you? Me: pew pew pew pew pee Wife: Why me god. Me: *barrel roll* pew pew