@SRbeta: Eat your school, stay in drugs, and don't do vegetables.
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@Spaziotwat: [Creation] God: *creates the crab Crab: "wtf?" God:"You're a crab" Crab:"wtf?" God:"Now go forth" Crab: *walks sideways "WTAF?!"
@cathisamazing: I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
@vineyille: Trapped in a crevice. “Go on boy, get help.” The dog chews off my one free arm. “Ok yeah bring that back to town I guess”
@panmidwest: ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again! MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You're shallow and selfish. I'm leaving you and taking the kids.