@kimt205: Eaten so many blue cheese stuffed olives today that it feels like France and Greece are waging a war for land in my intestines.
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@AlanFelyk: You never hear about Aztec women complaining about being left at the altar in the old days.
@TheToddWilliams: [job interview] Boss: What qualifies you to be a ninja? Ninja: I just cut your head off. Boss: That’s pr--*thump*
@DustinSiskey: One time my 4yr old got so mad at my wife he yelled, "YOU'RE RABBIT FROM WINNIE THE POOH!" Best.Insult.Ever.