@Marlebean: Eating a banana.
Thought I should tell you. Twitter seems concerned about women getting enough potassium.
But... why can't I use my teeth?
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@PJTLynch: Wife: Wow, I'm tired Me: Go relax, give me the recipe and I'll make dinner [Five minutes later] Me: Honey, I think we're out of..."oven"?
@marcmack: My son called me 'Marc' I said "That's a little presumptuous. Call me Dad" He replied "Now who's being presumptuous?"
@iMikosnyc: Sorry I put black eyeliner on your baby, but honestly, look at how edgy it is now.
@batkaren: BOSS: This is hard to say…we need to make cutbacks ME: What's so hard? "We need to make cutbacks" See? Piece of cake BOSS: Getting easier
@djdarrellripley: Me: Don't tell me you've never thought about having sex with me. Her: No, I never have.... Me: I asked you not to tell me that.
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