@TheIronSherk: Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries.
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@EJGomez: me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend
@rajaet: There's only one kind of people in this world 1. who are good at maths 2. who aren't 3. whose dog can come up with a better tweet than this.
@deardilettante: How's it going? "I'm so glad you asked, really need to talk to someone right now" You're supposed to say 'fine' & ask how I am. Bye.
@joejwest: HITMAN: Who's the target? ME: [slides photo across table] HITMAN: You..want me to kill Shrek? ME: Not Shrek [taps photo] his talkative horse