@SaddestTiger: eating cereal in the shower isn't saving me as much time as i thought.
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@Carter_TCB: I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would've been a lot more interesting.
@Angibangie: -If I'm wearing matching bra and undies, I better get more than a cuddle. McDonald's worker: Another bad date huh? Have some free fries...
@meganamram: "Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires" - Smokey the NRA Bear
@Underchilde: I know I should be searching for my missing friend, but there’s a lot of food in his apartment that’ll spoil if I don’t eat it.