@iscoff: Eating food off the floor, taking pills, trying to chase away ghosts? I grew up to be Pac-Man
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@blairgarner: To apply for a job at Hooters do they hand you a bra and say, "Here, just fill this out." ?
@EJGomez: [introducing you to my family] "this is my son Carson, my daughter Boatdaughter, & our dog Motorcyclepet"
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Mirrors, puddles of water. Basically anything with a reflective surface."