@ThePawfessor: eating red meat increases your chances of dying by 13%. i now have a 113% chance of dying.
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@NurseSeymour: Waitress: need anything else? Me: yes, a cup of black coffee. W: and how would u like your coffee? M: uhhh..black and in a cup?
@ArfMeasures: COP: So what happened? ME: He stole my watch & ran away down the road COP: Can you describe it? ME: It's like a big path that cars drive on
@Dawn_M_: I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts.
@SteveKoehler22: When our kids were teenagers we moved; hoping it would help with family strife. It didn't work, unfortunately. They found us.