@ValeeGrrl: *eats half a pan of brownies while making salad for dinner*
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@daemonic3: MAN: [having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! MAN: [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh sorry! Doctor, are you ok?!
@LindaInDisguise: 13YO: Why's he happy? He got dog-piled. Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down. Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE.
@HogwartsLogics: Harry wasn't chosen for Ravenclaw because he tried to catch the Hogwarts letters from the air instead of taking one from the floor.
@DaddyJew: Funny how kids can remember a video game you promised them months ago but ask them to turn off a light 10x and suddenly they're clueless