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@ash_kate123: *eats one piece of lettuce*
*checks for abs*
@leechee420: If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop "Reese's Feces" she's missing out on a clear opportunity to be awesome.
ME: I'm a literature buff
HER: who do you read?
*cut to me bench pressing like 70 copies of The Great Gatsby*
@CleverGirl85: If my husband asks, we took a lit course together in college
@Hadzilla: At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table
@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead