@meganamram: Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph
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@novicefather: QA Manager: And what is the protocol when an aircraft comes inbound with a suspected Ebola case? "WTF. Planes can catch this shit too?"
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun.
@Ivsy01: Her: I like how you did your hair today. Me: OMG thank you, I passed out in my closet last night.