@Thynebear: [edits wikipedia so the facts i made up for my school paper work]
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@GrrrRach: Operator: 999, emergency services. Which service do you require? Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.
@StockSwaff: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy.
@caroline_umc: Ever been so completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.