@Thynebear: [edits wikipedia so the facts i made up for my school paper work]
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@Weird_Rash: Just got arrested for racing my Segway wearing an adult diaper and a Viking helmet. Still not clear which law I broke.
@scarebro: My girlfriend broke up with me because she and I had different opinions. My opinion was that I was worth dating.
@TeamPHumor: Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house