Educated Twitter about to come and differentiate for us between an earthquake and tremor. We don't care…as long as there is shaking.

@AntozWolf: I'd say go to hell, but I don't want to see you again.

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@tracyofthenorth: People who say "seriously, another one?" after your 3rd slice of pizza are not people you need in your life.

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@TwatWaffler69: Wife: "they're disgusting, they carry diseases, they eat garbage!" Me: are we talking about your parents, raccoons, or the kids?

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@SadPeruna: If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons.

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