@RuinMyWeek: [God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say "when" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*

@KKBowls: My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"

@WigCannon: before x-rays doctors had to climb inside people and draw a picture of their bones. some still do

@McMcmadmac: When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation.

@MooseAllain: Catwoman's full name is Catherine Woman.