@dullandwicked: I need a new hobby, like archery or heroin.
@3sunzzz: What did watching Cinderella teach us?
7yo:
It taught us that if she had been wearing sensible shoes, she would still be scrubbing floors.
@SweetTweetsBRO: I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.
@JohnHilsen: The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Would you ever want an open marriage?
me *messages every girl in my phone asking if they'd have sex with me* Umm *all respond no* Nah
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