@Brianhopecomedy: Either my 1 year old found the stash of markers or she head-butted a rainbow.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Tharin_P: "What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?" "...What?" " -Toes." "Out. Just get out."
@OVLH: "He's more scared of you than you are of him" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me
@truegritrumble: WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*
@yoyoha: Just heard they're investigating a slaughterhouse in California for animal cruelty. IT'S A SLAUGHTERHOUSE