@dumbbeezie: Either you’re giving me butterflies or that chicken was bad
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@fabulouscop: *man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* "are you expecting a child?" "no thats from all the beer"
@JesKeepSwimming: I was going to spend the next 6 years studying medicine to become a doctor. Then I realized I could just like Facebook photos to save lives.
@llvvzz: You're psychiatrist's opinion about your social media habits don't count if he has less followers than you.