@philsturgeon: Elevator is broken. Had to use the other one. #firstworldproblems
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@david8hughes: There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going.
@Mikel_Jollett: PEPSI: We made the biggest PR blunder of any major company this year. UNITED: Hold my beer.
@CulturedRuffian: INSTRUCTIONS: 1) Feed a cold. 2) Starve a fever. 3) Make fever watch cold eat. 4) Tell cold he’s a good boy. 5) Look at fever with disdain.