@briangaar: ELMO WANT BIG HUG!!! ELMO WANT KIDS TO KNOW THAT JET FUEL COULDN'T POSSIBLY MELT STRUCTURAL STEEL
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@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.
@okaypup: "Do not purchase if seal is broke" *looks over at homeless seal* *places canned pickles back on the shelf*
@funflaps: [sequel to Thor Ragnarok] ME: *buying tickets for me and 3 friends* Four for Thor 4 at 4:44, por favor CINEMA GUY: *for the 6th time this week* Please stop doing this