@Mr_Kapowski: Elon Musk’s full name is actually Elongated Muskrat
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@adult_keverage: Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [gathers around casket and see's it's full of gatorade] uh oh, then that means [grandma's body is being dumped over the winning coach]
@PinkCamoTO: Helped a stranger at the gym write a break up text today so yeah, that English degree is really paying off.