@LogicLaughs: e=mc2 was just Einstein comparing himself to other rappers
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@ArfMeasures: [Enter restaurant] WIFE: See if you can get us a table ME: Ok [1 minute later] ME: [sprinting towards wife, carrying table] START THE CAR
@hangin_out: Blood is thicker than water. Maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it.
@just1fool: I'm not gullible but she said I was the best she's ever had and then to wait by the phone for instructions on how to get my wallet back.
@aka_fatman: Morpheus: If you take the red pill, I will show you what the Matrix is. Neo: *ingests pill* Whoa. Morpheus: It's also a powerful laxative.