@hippieswordfish: *emerges from a large magic lamp,* it's me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like 'drive me to the airport'
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@dave_cactus: ME: *seductively removes her G-string* HER: Could you please just hurry up and finish restringing my guitar?
@JanineEB4: My biggest regret to date is probably never telling Kary C, Kerri B, Cari R and Kerry L from 4th grade that their names were spelled wrong..
@CerebralWreck: Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!
@LurkAtHomeMom: 3: *throws plate in sink Me: but you barely ate! 3: yeah, I'm full...what are you eating? Me: the same thing you had 3: can I have a bite?