@hippieswordfish: *emerges from a large magic lamp,* it's me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like 'drive me to the airport'
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@nettie0918: That moment the school calls because 15 was caught drinking at school and it's still the same principal that had to call your parents.
@sageboggs: Worst flight I've ever been on. Waited for hours, plane never left the ground.. I'm never flying Airbnb again
@panmidwest: ANGEL: the humans need a model for how they should treat you… GOD: [creates dog] ANGEL: …and for how they actually do GOD: [creates cat]
@usermcuserface: It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life.