@FloodyHippie: Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Retweet this and something good will happen at some point in the near future that you can choose to attribute to having retweeted this.
@kimmie_1980: Level of singleness: yelling, "pizza's here!" So the delivery man doesn't think all the pizza is just for me...
@okaypup: "Do not purchase if seal is broke" *looks over at homeless seal* *places canned pickles back on the shelf*