@FloodyHippie: Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise.
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@Darchstar078: My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat.
@pleatedjeans: [angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you
@girl_a_whirl: Giving birth? Passing a gallstone? Monica Seles tennis match? Possible scenarios from sounds emitted from chic on elliptical next to me
@ieatanddrink: Would you flush a $20 bill down the toilet? Of course not. Yet you're doing it every time you flush 4 $5 bills down the toilet. I'll explain