@K_Chapacabra: Emoji: because sometimes a chicken, the Spanish flag, and a lesbian couple is the only way to express how you really feel.
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@Bob_Janke: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face and he says it's so when I'm eating prairie grasses I can see predators
@wickedsuga: The earth revolves around the sun. So, I guess if you want me to revolve around you, you're gonna have to set yourself on fire.
@1Happytwit: This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before.
@matt___nelson: DOG 911: what's your emergency? DOG: *whispering* they put me in a stroller DOG 911: *covers phone* WE'VE GOT A CODE SLIGHTLY DARKER GREY