@tylerschmall: Employees must applaud the planets.
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@OneTrickTofani: [At Wedding] Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife? Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND Priest: TOO LATE. YOU'RE MINE NOW, IDIOT.
@Michael1979: If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for: