@goulden_eye: Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery. LOL just kidding it was double homicide.
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@awildhope: On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"
@lisaxy424: *finally finds comfiest position in bed* bladder: so you're not going to believe this
@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently a guy named George Martin leaked all the main plot points of the next season of Game of Thrones in some books he published. Jerk.
@thecrabbyhook: My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.