@MichaelGoffLA: "Engagement" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. Coincidence?
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@UncleDuke1969: Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me "YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO." Brain: Perfect!
@shesxridiculous: If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Apparently "Which one?" wasn't the best answer when my gf's dad asked me "What are your intentions with my daughter?"
@xLiserx: Me: Can't. I'm exhausted from all the CrossFit this morning. Him: It's pronounced 'croissant' & how the hell did you eat the entire dozen?!