@tylerschmall: England's gonna have a rude awakening when they go to war and all their knights are actors and musicians.
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@ScottLinnen: All I’m saying is, the minute Canada starts refining its maple syrup reserves into weapons-grade Aunt Jemimium, we’re all French toast.
@ItsAndyRyan: I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward, as I'd told her I was going to a funeral.
@T_N_Crumpets: WIFE: COME AND GET RID OF THIS SPIDER ME to spider: I told you, you'll get your money. Leave my family out of this SPIDER: you've got 2days