@bigmacher: "Enjoying your day off?" - what Jewish people say to each other on Christmas.
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@sunexplode: Act happy in the supermarket checkout line to contradict the sad story unfolding on the conveyor belt.
@chamashouse: When the police asked me where I was between 4 and 5, apparently "Kindergarten" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
@the_rock_chic: Just walking down the "Gluten Free" aisle, secretly dropping boxes of Twinkies in everyone's carts.