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@Rollinintheseat: Enter new password
Your password is two weeks
@amselts: After the machine uprising, robots in the club will dance "The Human" by compulsively overeating and playing with their phones on the toilet
@lloydrang: Cashier: do you need bags?
Me: do any of us NEED anything?
Cashier: sir, I have a liberal arts degree too
Me: plastic please
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Your résumé says you have a bad memory."
Me: "I said that?"
@junejuly12: He didn’t know that balancing your knife on the edge of the sink means you may make a second sandwich, so now we have some serious talking to do.
@Parkerlawyer: January is the biggest month every year in my office for divorce filings.
So when someone says “Tis the season to be jolly!” I cynically think “Well. We shall see.”