@ShittyComedian: Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, "Did you bring the lube?" As loud as possible.

@Gennefer: I like the idea of almond milk, but then I can't get the image out of my head of someone milking a nut.

@Bagyants: Why not just say you're feeling thargic, don't be all French about it

@DannyDutch: To someone this means ‘A new start’. To everyone else, it doesn’t.

@Token_Geezer: When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers