@KevinFarzad: ENTRY-LEVEL JOB OPENING: Minimum 3 years exp required. Must speak 4 languages, have 2 Olympic medals & a reference letter from Barack Obama.
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@GriffonTaylonYo: Soldier: WE NEED MORE AMMO QUICK! Me: [sweating bullets] um will these work Soldier: [amazed] you son of a gun
@RyanAndrewMitch: Never go to a place that has burgers, sushi, chicken wings and donuts on one menu. Never.
@sportswithjohn: Commentator just said that the rain "may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation," which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain.
@SardonicTart: *Queen bee in hive* "You, go pollinate flowers" "You, go make some honey" "You, go buzz around some humans and ruin their picnic lol"