@KevinFarzad: ENTRY-LEVEL JOB OPENING: Minimum 3 years exp required. Must speak 4 languages, have 2 Olympic medals & a reference letter from Barack Obama.
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@HallpassCanada: Everytime I check my facebook I remember why i'm on Twitter.
@itsdhruvism: Me: Ping me when you are free. Girl:Ok. *Starts working in 2 Shifts*
@TheRolo: 911: What is your emergency? Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.
@jake_likes_naps: DATING TIP: PULL THE CHAIR OUT FOR HER. PICK THE CHAIR UP & FOLD IT. HIT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR. GET THE 3 COUNT. NEW WWE CHAMPION
@Moldy_Jellybean: Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
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