@envydatropic: Environmentally friendly means to stop burning bridges and just throw people off of them
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@Book_Krazy: My husband just told me to relax, like he doesn't remember we're camping in the desert and I brought a shovel.
@lemmywinkler: The "oops, wrong hole" excuse doesn't work when she catches you with her best friend.
@JohnLyonTweets: [parent-teacher conference] Teacher: Which kid is yours? Me: I don't have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin'?