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@abbycohenwl: Man: Welcome to Mystery Club Guy: What's it for? M: No one's sure of that [suddenly Guy's head gets clubbed] M: Or when that'll happen
@captainkalvis: CUSTOMER: id like buy a turtle, please ME: ok CUSTOMER: and make it quick ME: *grabbing him by the collar* DO I LOOK LIKE GOD TO YOU
@OneFunnyMummy: Chips are not only delicious, but if you crunch them loud enough you can't hear your children anymore.