@Pappiness: Eric Trump said the Syria strike was swayed by a "heartbroken" Ivanka. He also pouted that dad has never bombed a country for him.
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@GroperCleveland: Apple CEO Tim Cook has come out as gay. This totally explains why the new iPhone charger holes became tighter after Steve Jobs died.
@juhipande: I woke up because of birds chirping.nI wish I had wings too.nI would fly to each of these birds & choke them one by one. n6 am is too early.
@runawaycupcake: The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard: I'm so sorry your grandma died? I love you?
@bridger_w: If I were a mob boss, I'd ask my henchmen to meet me down by the docks, then surprise them with a day of water skiing