@jonnysun: [escorted out of google hq with armful of snakes at 9:02am on my 1st day] WELL MAYBE U SHOULDA CLARIFIED WAT U MEANT BY "PYTHON PROGRAMMER"
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@MyPolishFace: Me: We should go to the gym more often. Him: I hate it there. It's like a meat market. And I'm the expired meat.
@dril: so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement
@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...
@1Happytwit: My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.