@jonnysun: [escorted out of google hq with armful of snakes at 9:02am on my 1st day] WELL MAYBE U SHOULDA CLARIFIED WAT U MEANT BY "PYTHON PROGRAMMER"
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@TheBoydP: Canadians leaving south for vacation are like Americans escaping marriage, desperately trying to escape frigid temperatures...
@Home_Halfway: HER: I like talking during sex, but I can't stand it when you narrate the whole thing ME: As she complains, I begin removing my pants slowly
@Arbitral: Parents who are afraid that giving teenagers condoms will just ensure they have sex to use them have obviously never owned a bread maker.