@girlontapas: Establish dominance by licking the spoon and then putting it back in the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
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@Phook75: They advertise unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. But I can personally attest that after 9 days Olive Garden asks you to leave.
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges with your debit card ME: Wait... how do you know it wasn't me BANK: They entered the PIN correctly on the first try ME: Dear god
@_davidlucas_: He goes out for a run, and doesn't even stop to sniff any crotches. Humans are weird. ~Dogs.
@papasuncle: [commercial] "Is there a dull film on your dishes?" Me: [looking closely] Holy shit is that The English Patient?