@PearlsFromMyrna: Evelyn says Betty's Daughter is a lesbian but I've never noticed an accent.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What does God smell like? Me: 4-year-old: Me: Nachos. 4-year-old: With cheese?
@lecalabara: Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that.
@vonTraphaus: Mario Bros. Plumbing ★☆☆☆☆ (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfri.... (Read More)
@PerfectPending: If you've never said "I love you too" in a way that sounds a tad bit angry, then you must not have kids you are trying to put to bed.