@PearlsFromMyrna: Evelyn says Betty's Daughter is a lesbian but I've never noticed an accent.
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@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
@chopper4jk: I hope when I get old, my motorized wheelchair is fast enough the catch the ice cream truck.
@ThisLocalHater: Him: Hey girl, what that mouth do? Me: Mostly complain. Sometimes binge eat. I also get these weird sores that - wait, where are you going?
@Marlebean: He held up my pants and said "Are you sure these are yours? They look small. You can fit in these??" Judge: Not guilty. You're free to go.