@kumailn: Even Al Qaeda is like "These ISIS guys are a bit much no?"
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@Z_Mendenhall: Remember when you first started driving and everything was scary. Now you're going 80, putting salsa on your taco, driving with your knees.
@AmishPornStar1: "Sure Chief, you can join us for dinner this year. But in the future, you're gonna need reservations." -Pilgrims, at the first Thanksgiving
@krisv_723: Him: Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big? Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don't talk.