@kumailn: Even Al Qaeda is like "These ISIS guys are a bit much no?"
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@TheToddWilliams: Daddy, where do bananas come from? Well son, when a manana and a womanana really love each other...
@TheCatWhisprer: Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
@reallyshitpost: DOCTOR: I have bad news MAN WHO WOKE UP FROM 5 YR COMA: I don't mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla from the Cincinnati zoo