@Zombie_Kitv2: Even in a suit, Matthew McConaughey looks like he's just been rescued after two weeks lost in the desert.
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@SteveSuckington: [Taken 26] Abductor: I have your great granddaughter LIAM NEESON: I literally died 12 years ago
@Rollinintheseat: *Geography Bee* Judge: "Tell me about Yemen." Me: "Chandler said he was moving there when he couldn't breakup with Janice on Friends."
@CandyCrisis: Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game.
@fakedansavage: Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate