@CherBear162: Even my cats are sick of the snow..They meow to go out..I open the door..and they freeze and look at me like "WHY is this shit still here?"
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I’m going to save so much money on college.
@davidkenny100: American: I was just at a shotgun wedding Me: How far pregnant was the bride? American: You English are insane Shotguns can't get pregnant
@HalfBakedHoney: I can't wait to tell my grandchildren how many times I've survived the end of the world.