@rolldiggity: Even scarier than seeing a shark fin in the water is seeing a lion mane, because you know the chase isn't over once you reach land.
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@cwhudson: [dog walking a human] *walks by a coffeeshop with its door open* HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there
@aneesa_p: Contrary to popular belief, when I call tech support, I don't know what the Indian dude is saying either.
@WheelTod: The odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 3,748,067. So if you know 3,748,066 people who haven't been killed by a shark: avoid the ocean.
@kelkulus: When I'm bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me "Do you know where this came from?"