@Sickayduh: Even the most racially sensitive person you know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a Chinese restaurant isn't Asian
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@qwertying: Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
@ObviouslyJustMe: Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory." Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
@sixfootcandy: If you don't know me, don't judge me. Unless you're making me a pizza and you say "This woman looks like she wants extra cheese.” That's ok
@batkaren: *Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand*