@Sickayduh: Even the most racially sensitive person you know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a Chinese restaurant isn't Asian
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@flashember: [Courtroom] Lawyer: It wasn't the fall that hurt you? "No sir, it was...THE GROUND!" *courtroom erupts* *handcuffs are thrown on the ground*
@CrackYouWhip: My workout schedule: 1. Run half mile 2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights 3. 35 year break 4. Protein shake 5. Repeat
@TheMichaelRock: *wife notices the books all over the floor* FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE'S NO SECRET PASSAGE!
@iLightbulb: Me:I need to focus on work Brain: Remember that sweet song on the radio this morning? Me:Yeah that was sweet Brain: Let's sing that instead