@MikeCanRant: Even though I'm a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
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@werehedgehog: Don't go chasing waterfalls. *turns on tap* We have their children. They will come to us.
@SamGrittner: Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old sang in church for the first time. So what if it was the wrong song? There's never a bad time for "We Will Rock You."