@MikeCanRant: Even though I'm a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
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@matsmoustache: You walk into my bedroom... I'm laying naked with a platter of nachos on my chest. You get punched while trying to take some of my nachos.
@Marlebean: That's disgusting! Where did you learn to do that?! Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's
@Crunk_Jews: [first day as Tour Guide in History Museum] "And if you look over here you'll see a lot more really old shit."
@SheBanggs: It's cute how they show subtitles during Here Comes Honey Boo Boo & pretend that anyone watching might actually know how to read.