@MikeCanRant: Even though I'm a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
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@SirEviscerate: ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say "don't try this at home"? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.
@DancesWithTamis: With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us
@Token_Geezer: Fun Prank: Use Bluetooth to play 30 second blasts of Napalm Death on your neighbours stereo. They’ll think they have a poltergeist and move
@RoastedPapad: She : It's not working between us. He : Why ? She : For starters I can't handle your silly jokes. He : Hmm okay and for main course ?