@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.
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@JohnLyonTweets: I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
@TJ_Whitehead: By my calculations, I've spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table
@Fred_Delicious: *approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*