@_Water_Baby: Some choices are easier than others: An emergency doctor's appt vs a much needed hair appt. At least if I die my hair will be cute.

@davidgrossTV: ME: I'll have the burger. WAITER: And how do you like your burger? ME: I don't know. You haven't brought it to me yet.

@therealeatwood: ME: Stop hemming and hawing DONKEY TAILOR: [with quiet dignity] Sir, you may take your business elsewhere

@Molly_Kats: If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom

@Tmoney68: Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those "plane clothes cops."