@morgan_murphy: I don't think I could be a mom. Listening to another person cry all night just seems awful & I wouldn't want to impose that on a baby.

@kevnasto: I bet Jane didn't know Tarzan swings both ways.

@BlairLoudly: Your password must include 5 minutes of interpretive dance, 15 excerpts from contemporary fiction and 1 word made up by Shakespeare.

@BuckyIsotope: WISE MAN #1: I brought gold for the babe WISE MAN #2: frankincense WISE MAN #3: myrrh ME: *pulls out Chili’s gift card* I hate you guys

@anerdonfire2: The worst thing about that mime stealing my woman was when he silently laughed at me