@FSUSteve: Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?
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@longwall26: Martial arts movie, starring me Master: You wish to learn to fight? Me: Yes Master: The training is very difficult Me: Oh then no The End
@Laser_Cat: Look, I'm not saying he's a bad dentist. I'm just saying maybe you should check his references.
@AmishPornStar1: "Sure Chief, you can join us for dinner this year. But in the future, you're gonna need reservations." -Pilgrims, at the first Thanksgiving
@TheDailySchmuck: If someone upsets you, write a nasty letter and file it away before you say something you might regret. Then punch the person in the face.