@FSUSteve: Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?
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@Mike_Bianchi: A bathroom scale that when you stand on it just says "Your body is but a point in space; your life, a differential of time."
@TheRolo: *Rides unicorn to work* *Gives Bigfoot hi-five* *Chats with mermaids* *Argues with Medusa* *Gets called in to HR* *Fails drug test*
@Rollinintheseat: Doctor's office: "Can you fax us your information?" Me: "Let me get a rock and chisel to write down your fax number."