@HollyHeals: Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either.
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@ArfMeasures: [being chased round my house by a murderer] ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS MURDERER: What? ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on
@shutupmikeginn: Don’t sweat it McGregor, after failing attempting the wrong sport you’re 8950% more likely to be asked to save the world by a cartoon bunny.
@pauleggleston: My wife and I can't agree on appropriate gardening attire. But she's digging in her heels.