@_shellzbellzzz_: Ever look at your frequently used emojis and realize that your two moods are drunk and circus tents?
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@Reverend_Scott: [running away from killer] KILLER: YOU'RE GONNA TRIP ON YOUR SHOELACES THEN I'LL GET U ME: MY SHOES ARE VELCRO KILLER: NOOOOOOOOOOOO
@shadonium: Her: Show me your pics Me: Ok *blackberry restarts* *waiting* *gets married* *have kids* Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting *dies*
@DJRotaryRachel: A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior.
@Ilovelamp1979: I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.