@_shellzbellzzz_: Ever look at your frequently used emojis and realize that your two moods are drunk and circus tents?
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@Adar79Angie: When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
@fridaycandy: Apparently If ur BF says "if anything happens to me,I want u to meet someone new...." "anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby.
@MomofTeen: When emails tell me to "Act Now!," I immediately start reciting lines from Shakespeare.