@thatUPSdude: Ever notice how loud the sound of a beer can opening up is at the gym.
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@briangaar: Divorce is when you tell someone: Hey I know you better than anyone else on Earth and I'm gonna take a pass
@jsteele3966: Day three of MAN COLD. I feel death lurking. Its waiting for me to give up. Stay strong! Think of the cat. He'll eat you if you die.
@peachgrenade: My wife is not happy with some of the comments in the anonymous suggestion box I attached our bed.
@5oulhealer: When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn't deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.