@thatUPSdude: Ever notice how loud the sound of a beer can opening up is at the gym.
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@SillySassySmart: The awkwardness of my life is equivalent to when somebody says "Happy Birthday" and you say "Thanks you too!"
@PhilJamesson: Fortune Teller: I see a trip in your future Me [cancelling a week-long trip to Peru]: haha nope. wrong, idiot. [fall down stairs as I leave]
@TEXASVETERAN: I got out of bed this morning and decided it was time to turn it around. So, I did a 180 and went back to bed.
@wickedsuga: This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn't buy him candy & now she's yelling for us both to get up and be quiet.