@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?
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@DirtMcTurd: I'm proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don't want to hang out with you now but I'm still proud...
@mynameshank: Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations.
@chrisdowning: When something at the hardware store says it's universal, that means it will fit every model on the market except the one you have.